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The Myth of the Perfect Strapless Bra

March 24, 2011

Earlier on tonight, I made W (one of my flatmates) decidedly uncomfortable. Apparently the word ‘bra’ and discussions that contain this word make him feel rather uneasy. I must remember this in the future [cue sinister cackle].

The ‘discussion’ began with me telling him that I had wandered up and down Oxford Street all afternoon looking for a ‘stupid strapless bra’. Almost immediately a somewhat panicked look shot across his face… which I took to mean that I should continue with my ‘sharing’ – you know, just to see how uncomfortable I could make this poor guy (should we insert more evil chortling..? Perhaps later).

I explained that I needed a new bra for this dress I intended to wear for my birthday get-together; that the cut of my current ones weren’t right for the dress; that strapless bras are idiotic concepts, are never ‘perfect’ and that shopping for them is a bloody nightmare.

To his credit, W threw out a few comments and questions at this point. The guy clearly knows nothing about these things… which, given that he’s a 23 year old male, is none too surprising. Why should he know anything about strapless bras? He has no use for them. The only thing he’ll ever need to know is how to remove one and that… that I can assure him is a a hurdle that guys older than him still fumble over.

Nevertheless, I explained to him that no, “boobs are not boobs”; that they are shaped differently with some hanging higher, some lower, some towards the left, some to the right, some are close together, some are wide apart, one can be slightly or quite noticeably bigger than the other, and so on and so forth. I parleyed in somewhat less than mathematical terms the role each aspect of the bra plays and the incredible gravity of incorrect angles and lines and what-not. In other words… I said, “Dude, it’s so important, like I can’t even tell you”.

The sheer magnitude of the challenge of designing a strapless bra; the interminable list of responsibilities it must take on board and check off to be considered a successful product… cripes. I honestly don’t see how it’s possible to make a great one-design-fits-all strapless bra. The notion seems illogical to me. But what do I know about bra designing?

Lesson: Don’t buy strapless dresses or tops unless they work with a strapless bra I currently possess. It’s like buying “one-day-it-will-fit” clothes. No, no, no and no.

Also, don’t talk to W about bras. Poor dude….

 

N

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