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The Tobster is no more….

October 14, 2009

The bond has been transferred and an apartment here in Kreuzberg is now ours until January 2010, so tonight will be our last night in the hostel. That’s the good news. The bad news… I found out this morning that Toby has passed away. Toby was my cat and my companion and a constant in my life over the last seven years when there had been no other. I’ve always been a ‘dog person’, but Toby was different.

He was given to me for my birthday when he was just a little kitten. He was so funny looking… all ears! And he was such a character. He had more attitude than most people and my god, could he be a pain. He was like a little boy; he would always wait until he’d caught my eye before knocking something off a table (glancing up regularly, of course, to make sure he had my undivided attention). He often sat in the laundry basket which was kept on the laundry machine and I once found him actually in the washing Examining the laundrymachine… I remember my surprise at seeing him in there, gazing out at me like it was perfectly normal for him to be sitting in a laundry machine. He loved tuna, yoghurt, paper, sticking his bum in my face (especially when I was at my computer/laptop), sprawling out on the floor, scratching anything that I disapproved of, playing with those little plastic string things that hold price tags to clothes, tap water, seeing how far he could push me, outrunning me, getting up as high as possible, and sleeping. When Toby would sleep, if it wasn’t on my bed, it would be on the floor… but not just anywhere on the floor. In true Toby fashion, he would strategically pick out the spot that would inconvenience two-legged creatures the most in their attempt to cross my little apartment. There, and only there, would he stretch out and have himself a nap. Sometimes, I’d move the furniture around to try and create more space. Unsurprisingly, my little monster would rethink his location and adjust accordingly.

He didn’t listen; he did what he pleased (which often meant upsetting me); when I was sad, he was apathetic; he drove me insane… come to think of it… sounds like my ex-boyfriend!? But seriously… Toby may have been a nuisance at times, but he found his way into my heart and I could never stay mad at him – believe me, I tried. He had his sweet moments too, like always coming to greet me at the door when I came home and when he would curl up and sleep in my lap, occasionally nudging my hand to encourage a scratch… like he was my spoilt little boy, I always caved.

Since I left for Europe, he’s been staying with a friend. That morning he had been running around playing with another cat (which is completely out of character, but great) when suddenly he slumped to the ground. He’d had a cerebral aneurysm. One minute he was there, the next he was gone. I still can’t believe it. It’s surreal. I feel sad that I won’t ever see him again and then guilty that I left him. That I wasn’t there. My little mischievous Tobster… can’t quite grasp it. My constant is gone without a goodbye.

Cat nap

the one blessed silly treasure ended rashly

i’ve messages in sorrowful shades

yesterday, oh undo!

regretfully i plead


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